Wish You Were Here

21 07 2012

By your side, holding hands. Cold.

Your eyes staring right at me while I try but fail to look back into your soul to find out what you’re feeling, saying and thinking? Trapped.

You clenched me tightly, shaking them as if trying to convey some sort of cryptic message that I could never decipher. Helpless.

I’ve never been big on words but you have always inspired me.

I was the best artist in school because of you, since everyone thought I made my own drawings, although it was actually you haha.

I even longed to have hand-writing like yours. So very artistic!

I always depended on you as being my only real sister, if not a second mother – Saman baji is more like a brother while Mehak is and will always be like a baby to me.

If I was given a chance, you and I would be best friends forever. I hate how we can’t share our life experiences with one another and cherish having each other.

Sigh.

I can’t believe it. Today is the first of Ramadan, 1433 A.H. Almost a year has passed, it seems like yesterday that you were with us.

They say that time heals everything. But what if you don’t want a wound to heal?

If you want something to stay the same, for as long as time itself. Because you don’t want it all to be okay again.

Because NO, you just can’t accept it all being okay again.

No, Amber baji it’s not okay that you’re not here with us anymore.

We would go to the ends of the world for you. Each and every one of us. Even little Hadi and Amanih.
Someone so pure and clean, yet so soiled by the misdemeanors of our own people…

Innalillahi-wa-inna-ilaehi-rajioon.

Happy Ramadan, Amber baji. Hoping that you can read this wherever you are. Family meals are not the same without you here. We miss you more than anything! See you on sunday. ❤

Love,
All of us.





I miss you

5 04 2010

I can’t sleep. I must sleep. I can’t get the thought of you out of my head.

Where are you? Where am I? I’m thinking of you. Are you thinking of me? I know that you have trouble sleeping too.

We never were close. But I loved you. You were the shining star, for all. I never told you that I loved you. Do you know that I DO love you? It kills me to think that I never got close to you. We fought. I hated you for it, each time. You would get unreasonable sometimes. But I was a kid. Still am. At heart.

I still long for your presence beside me. Where are you? Are you there? I hope that somewhere in the heavens or earth, you can hear me, right now. Today if not right now. Tomorrow if not today. Sooner rather than later. Soon? Now!

I have regrets. I want you to know that I’m sorry. I would say sorry for the rest of my days if it meant fixing it all. I cried beside you the last time I was with you. You tried to sweep my tears away. You touched me, again. Your hands shook. You had tears in your eyes. They meant an eternity to me. I won’t ever forget that.

I will never forget you and I pray for you every chance that I get. The painting on my wall attests to that. You will be the best, for me, forever. The best of us, in the here and in the hereafter.

I miss you. Everyday. I love you, Amber Baji!