21 04 2010


I slept 9 HOURS last night and still, I’m sleepy. Normally I’d have a few more hours to myself(hurr hurr?) in such case but NO, not today. ITZ BCZ I HATE SLEEP, YOO HEAR?

Yesterday night, I only wanted 15 MINUTES of sleep. What I got was SHITLOADS of it in return. An EPIC Champions League Semi-final later(missed) though and I now wish that I would’ve never slept in my life. :@




Rant #2, yass pliss?

18 04 2010

I’m not big on blogging. Not yet anyway. Though I think it’s a good exercise. Helps you attain inner peace. It’s alot¬†like pooping for me heh. Tingles the sphincter, either way.

Okay enough of that shit (literally). I wanted to write a blog post, this friday. But due to circumstances beyond my control and just… in trademark Kashif¬†Jamal lazyness, I dwelled and dwelled until boredom kicked in. Blog-posts¬†are never complete waise. Even when you’re done with them, you always have room for improvement. Because you always tend to miss out on a crucial thought. I dunno what I’m talking about¬†heh¬†but my¬†delaying proved just that oddly, for me.

Okay so¬†friday evening, myself and a mate we decided to play some football. We were playing after a gap of a week or two so we were really up for it. I have a crocked left knee so I’m not regular. Sucks major, sigh. Anyhow we left around 1730ish¬†to give us a good hour to work with our football skills before it was sunset. I took a warmup run and joined my mates a little late. We were playing in a leetal¬†7-a-side field since we had not too many people to play in the big-ass¬†field pfft. It was a decent game, I was getting into good positions but kept scuffing my shots either straight at the goalie or wide. I tried a few headers too, with the keeper making at least¬†one blinding save. Soon after though, we had a flurry of people coming in asking us to slot them in, too. They were all sophomores and we were doing the team-sheets¬†since we were the only seniors around. Looking at the situation at hand, we suggested that the game be moved to the bigger pitch, to accommodate¬†everyone. Indifference followed. We duly moved into the larger ground.

While knocking it around and waiting for everyone to join us however, there was a wierd development in sight. All the juniors who had come around late and their mates who were ALREADY playing, stalled in the 7-a-side field. At first it seemed temporary, but soon it became clear that they, get this Рafter asking us to accommodate them into the team had kicked us off the field after we tried to accommodate them oO. I was quite upset and went to have a chat with the lads.

‘Yaar wo hamara¬†match ho ra hai¬†faculty ka’, ‘Yaar wo humai¬†achi¬†football khelni¬†hai, colony walay¬†bohat¬†rough khelte¬†hain’, ‘Yaar tum loag¬†bhi¬†idhar¬†hi¬†aajao’, ‘Hum chootiye¬†hain, humain¬†naee¬†khelna¬†tumhare¬†saath’ were the common utterings¬†that came out of that experience. Okay the last one is just something that I made up but you could actually feel them saying to you. Though despite the sheer outrage that I was in, I kept my cool and just asked them again to come and join us, put the offer on their table and walked away. To no avail though. We later accumulated just enough players to play our match while they, as I’ve already mentioned were already doing so.

Not too bad¬†then. Everybody happy so why the fuck am I complaining, you ask me? Well, for once it showed alot¬†about what our society is like nowadays. Weak, scared and just fucking unambitious if you will. What is remarkable is the fact that these guys, a few¬†of whom I know REALLY well didn’t even have the will/courage to say that they’d actually play with us after WE had actually been generous enough to give them a chance to play with us in the first place. It’s like you ask someone to play with their toy and then you just keep it to yourself =/. It showed so much on so many fucking levels, on behalf of the guys. It showed how determined they are to not be out-done. They would even¬†be happy to underachieve, if it meant so. It’s a baffling state of affairs and it is quite one which mirrors our current political and social society. Nobody is willing to stick their foot in and get something of the ball. If not the ball even a chunk of the man if you will, please? We need to get out of the shadows and need not work on our escapist¬†approach to freedom. We NEED to fight the bigger/better cause. We NEED to stand up for ourselves. In this case, the guys were afraid of the bigger/more physically fit Pathans who come to play everyday. How fucking sissy can you be man? I mean seriously, you think that by playing against wussies, you’re gonna get anywhere? We all know that you only improve by putting yourself against better opposition(overkill on the football jackshyte sorry). Whatever happened to that? Do people even want to compete anymore? So MANY fucking questions hit me when this happened that it was like a fucking Hurricane Katrina had hit me in my head.

If you know me well enough though, you’d also know that I’m not too big on current affairs and political shyte. It’s something I need to work on, but it doesn’t mean that I can’t look at a situation empirically and see its flaws.¬†This situation¬†was HUGELY flawed and it took me down quite a few notches. These people are just like me, but they think so differently. WTF MAN! And it’s not that I’m a very ambitious person myself but seriously now, are people just THAT willing to erode their standards without giving what is rightfully theirs a decent fight? I am abhorred to think what the repercussions would be of this same youth, in years to come. We need to fix our attitudes. Just NEED to. No two ways about it.

^^ This was planned to be my blog-post on friday night. Then saturday night happened and it changed EVERYTHING.

Okay so¬†every weekend, we friends play casual football on the street. It’s nice and frank also definitely lots of fun. Since it’s just us friends doing whatever we like however we like it there is alot¬†of cursing, pushing, tugging and goals in-between. This saturday was different though. We had been CHALLENGED to a match by get this, the freshmen! I was bemused and quite in disbelief after my earlier experience. Yet I played my part. The lads were REALLY good (both teams)¬†and there was a slight sense of fear in¬†the play of both.¬†But you could understand that since they didn’t want to create any panic between themselves and us given the seniority situation. It was HUGELY pleasant for me though in that I found the whole situation one that bred tremendous confidence and potentially showed that, say what we may, there will always be people around us who WILL have the courage to try and duely¬†attain a higher ground.

We beat the kids but the result was just academic. The practical implications signal alot¬†of good things and that’s what put a big fat grin on my face. After we’d finished the match, I went out on a round of handshakes with all the boys. Patted them on the back. They might not know what the handshaking and patting meant from my end but¬†I feel that¬†it’s¬†important to at least make a gesture. Their gesture of CHALLENGING us¬†pleased me in so many ways and also in¬†light of the¬†friday fiasco.¬†With dire hope that appreciating such gestures could actually bring about a change, all of a sudden it’s not all doom and gloom.

I miss you

5 04 2010

I can’t sleep. I must sleep. I can’t get the thought of you out of my head.

Where are you? Where am I? I’m thinking of you. Are you thinking of me? I know that you have trouble sleeping too.

We never were close. But I loved you. You were the shining star, for all. I never told you that I loved you. Do you know that I DO love you? It kills me to think that I never got close to you. We fought. I hated you for it, each time. You would get unreasonable sometimes. But I was a kid. Still am. At heart.

I still long for your presence beside me. Where are you? Are you there? I hope that somewhere in the heavens or earth, you can hear me, right now. Today if not right now. Tomorrow if not today. Sooner rather than later. Soon? Now!

I have regrets. I want you to know that I’m sorry. I would say sorry for the rest of my days if it meant fixing it all. I cried beside you the last time I was with you. You tried to sweep my tears away. You touched me, again. Your hands shook. You had tears in your eyes. They meant an eternity to me. I won’t ever forget that.

I will never forget you and I pray for you every chance that I get. The painting on my wall attests to that. You will be the best, for me, forever. The best of us, in the here and in the hereafter.

I miss you. Everyday. I love you, Amber Baji!